It is not easy for a mother to resist involuntary resentment when a teenager is looking for contacts with a father, whom he practically does not know. “Nevertheless, try to understand and support the child in this desire,” advises the candidate of pedagogical sciences Marina Arromstam.
“You parted with your husband in a very difficult situation: he left, leaving you with a child in his arms. And you made a firm decision to raise a son or daughter yourself, in the hope that someday the father will greatly regret the absence of a child in his life. It is not surprising that you feel acute injustice and even pain, when a 14-16-year-old teenager has an interest in the absent father. It is attracted by a halo of secrets around this unfamiliar person. He quite reasonably begins to perceive his father as part of himself and in search of answers to the questions “Who I am?”,” What am I?”,” What is capable of?”He hopes that communication with a person close by blood will help him better understand his roots, character, individuality.
Another equally important reason, pushing a teenager in
search of a father, is associated with attempts to restructure previous family relations, where he was assigned the role of a careful baby. He experiences the period of reassessment of values and is looking for new authorities beyond the boundaries of his own family. What was previously perceived with the sign “minus” suddenly becomes interesting, intriguing. Father living outside the family, according to the mother, is not the most worthy example. But this is the opinion of the mother. And the teenager wants to make decisions on his own.
No matter how difficult it is, recognize the child’s right to his own feelings and actions. Tell the teenager (if you have not done this before) about his birth, about your father, about how you loved each other before the divorce. The surviving photos will help to tell the story of this love, albeit having a dramatic end. Children like to feel the characters of dizzying events. So you will tie a new thread of relations between him and yourself: after all, you managed to understand him, trust and also presented a gift: it turns out that his birth was so unusual … “